So a couple of weeks ago at a weight watchers, the weekly book we get every week had an article about creating a personal, powerful resource to rekindle your motivation for when you need a boost so I am finally going to do this today. I won’t say I’m not motivated but a little boost always helps. Please don’t judge. I just need to get out what is in my head so maybe you can understand when I worry about weight ins or don’t feel as comfortable. So here goes, my letter to me…

Dear Me,

I wish I could always be feeling comfortable with myself. I love the comments that I get from people and sometimes I see that when I look in the mirror, other times I see what I was before and that kills me. I hate to admit that to myself and to anyone else who might be reading this, but it’s what is in my head. I haven’t really had a lot of self-esteem in the past 15 or so years with all the weight gain that I have had since getting pregnant with Brittany. I don’t blame any of it on Brittany or Zachary. I got lazy when I got pregnant with my kids and didn’t do anything to lose the weight. I love to eat. Food is good and I just didn’t stop. And then I found myself sneaking food, going to Dunkin Donuts and ordering a dozen and a half of donuts and eating half of the donuts on my way home and then just one when I got there so it didn’t look like I was a huge pig. Buying candy bars at the super market with the intention of giving them to the kids and busting them open on my way home. I love food and at the same time, it scares me. Really scares me. I don’t want it to be scary anymore. I do love the feeling of trying on clothes and being able to have smaller sizes fit me again. I love that!!

So if I hit a motivational speed bump such as a a cookout where I keep picking at the chips and dip or taking a piece of cookie and eating that at one point and another piece later and then another piece later. All the same points if I eat the whole cookie. I need to remember to bring my fat free hot dogs with me or my turkey burgers, which I did remember to do the other night at the cookout at Casa Pimental.

If I need to jump-start my motivation, I can try something new and focus on my non-scale victories. I have gone from an 18W or XXL and I am currently fitting in some size 10′s and even some Mediums! Holy crap! If that isn’t a non-scale victory to celebrate, I don’t know what is. I need to make sure that I have more fruit and vegetables in the house though and going back to work might help too. Being home has made it a little difficult because it’s easier to get a snack when they are here. I really only have the Weight Watchers or Skinny Cow things but they add up when you eat one or two or three of them. Done that…

So I appreciate the positive comments. They help a lot and I love you for them. Thank you!

Love you,
Julie